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618 From: Elnora Van Winkle> Date: Tue Jul 18, 2000 9:16pm Subject: Doubting Thomas? > I am finding it increasingly difficult to sort out my feelings and responses to issues when being pointed to the pamphlet as the answer to everything. I now perceive the pamphlet as vague and almost a "mantra". AD It seems you have not studied the simple biological concept in the pamphlet (or the other articles on my sites) to understand that it is not necessary to connect the specifics of current interactions with specifics of past trauma, but only to accept that you have repressed anger related to early caretakers, and that this anger is being triggered in current interactions by current abusers. The self-help measures in the pamphlet are based on the toxic mind theory, which is proven by over fifty years of scientific research, and have been fully effective for all who used them as described. 'It works if you work it.' There is nothing vague in the pamphlet, and unless you study it and believe in it, there is nothing I can do to be of help in your recovery. This list is set up as a support group for those who are using the self-help measures in the pamphlet. I hope you will read it and join us by sharing how you are using the self-help as described. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
>- Carl Jung > "Love and intimacy are the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well. I am not aware of any other factor in medicine - not diet, not smoking, not exercise... not drugs, not surgery - that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death." - Dean Ornish, "Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy" >
> ~~~~~ > "As we develop a relationship with our inner wounds, we also distill some of our own essence; we make our own medicine." - Pierz Newton-John, _Chiron:The Poison & The Medicine of Essence_ > > ~~~~
> "Rather, suffering and healing arise from the same profound roots in the soul..." - Pierz Newton-John,_Chiron:The Poison & The Medicine of Essence_ >
> ~~~~ > "By activating the transformative potential within the wound, the whole psyche is changed. Thus, we can ultimately look back upon the wound as a blessing, or at least as an agent of significant soul development." > - Pierz Newton-John
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I identified so strongly with the person who wrote in that she could 'swallow' anything. So could I! I would suggest that we can find many such metaphors in our lives. I am a avoidant personality. My solution to situations I can't handle was to shut down completely, most preferably in bed in the fetal position. Not surprisingly, the father who literally hated me as a child was in bed with an inner ear infection when BOTH my sister and I were born and my grandmother took my mother to the hospital. He was good... wasn't he? Seven years difference in our ages, both natural births and he managed to contrive an illness for both deliveries!! I am grateful to him for many opportunities to redirect. > > With my daughter's wedding this weekend, I began to feel sick yesterday. I checked to see if there was anything there to redirect, but nothing came up. This morning, however, I realize that all the acute pain on special occasions came from not my father, but my mother. She was sick for most of my birthday parties. They had lots of money, so they'd hire somebody to "do" the party. My grandmother would be there, but because of the conflict between my mother and grandmother, I had to have kind of a "closet" relationship with my grandmother. > > I'm writing all this because I think it might be helpful to others to know how far down in the "layers of the onion" these revelations are. They seem quite obvious and apparent, but they were not to me. Only after years of talk therapy, EMDR, being on anti-depressants, and redirecting many other memories have I come to the finely distilled events that shaped my life in such a major way. > > I believe your theory is valid. I always assumed that neural pathways were just like roads--if they got torn up and bumpy, the repair crews would just come along and repave them. Somehow, I thought that nerves repaired themselves just like bones. What you are saying is that these paths are damaged and we have to "find" each one consciously in order to fix it. A bone really will regenerate, and one has to be sure it is in the right place before it does so. Nerves are different. they remain in place, they remain functional, but once they have been "trained" to produce bad chemicals (by suppressed anger), they always will-every time a signal goes through them. It's like a road built on an earthquake fault and any traffic on that road will cause a quake. The only fix will come if a very MAJOR quake rearranges the terrain. Sometimes, the road will go away altogether. It'll be under water or covered up by a mountain. That's ok. Of course, neural pathways will not go away, but the experience of traveling them will surely change. HS Thank you, I like you description. Usually damaged cells in the body die and are replaced by new cells, but nerve cells generally do not replace themselves. We are born with most of the neurons, although they can form many new connections with other neurons to become the road maps you describe. And when certain roads are damaged they do try to repair them selves, but unless we 'find' them as you say, the traffic gets misdirected and causes all kinds of havoc from simple anxiety to murder. The road map is destroyed. Redirecting the traffic while the damaged road is trying to repair itself restores the map. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
>
> Your work and the self-help have been part of my feeling better about things of late, and I hope you will indulge me just a bit more with some questions. >
> 'Energy therapies' such as regression, can have a similar result to the redirecting. Yes? No? Maybe? For instance, as much as I am up for flogging the bed, and I will I'm sure! these past two days after a brief crying episode under the guidance of my therapist seem to have at least temporarily quelled anxieties and panic episodes. I am curious as to your take on this. >
> It is also noteworthy in my case, I am trying to be able to feel and express any 'challenging' emotion including but not limited to anger, also sorrow, compassion-sorrow, healthy fear (not the fear of going crazy with anxiety, got that one down!) and various shades inside and around all that. I've got 'happy' pretty down pat. But most of my life I've had a dry well, a complete numbness for any of the other feelings. For years I've known intellectually I have run from them, but have had little success in exorcizing/expressing them. >
> Years of developing say, a 'toxic mind hunch' have been underscored by intensifying panic, dissociation, and generalized anxiety when I wasn't 'in remission.' But the problem--I am always fearful of when the 'remission' will end, even philosophically applying that 'all good things also pass and return' to my condition, that model has been getting increasingly unacceptable, as if to imply it is ok to see-saw between feeling great and having a grip on it all, to living in either sheer terror or anticipation of panic and depression. >
> I have not been diagnosed with nor do I feel I am suffering from, a bipolar condition. >
> Let me ask a few more pointed questions: >
> When one is used to a strange wake-sleep schedule, and feels emotionally best, 'smartest,' and most in-charge (least anxiety prone) when they are exhausted, and worst, 'dumbest,' and least in-charge (most anxiety prone) when they have slept more, how does this relate to toxic crisis? >
> It is impossible at least on a conscious level, when in the grip of either a full-bore panic attack, or dissociative episode (both bleed into each other for me), or depression, to accept it as a process of healing. I can relate to the recent post regarding the redirecting reduced to 'mantra,' in that any 'theory' or 'measure' in the midst of utter visceral anarchy becomes a tired intellectual construct, and as such has no value. Can you offer another way of looking at this, especially to those who often feel they 'feel' nothing except that they are losing it? >
> When either a mild regression experience or the redirecting has resulted in a seemed banishing of anxiety and distress, yet along with this albeit relieved and hopeful feeling is a sense this is 'shore leave' and one will soon be 'out to sea' again, how does this relate to toxic mind theory and especially, what is it to 'feel' emotion 'normally' on a steady basis? >
> I realize in my message there are ideas I am sort of preaching to the choir, yet at the same time I'm asking questions that have hounded me for years. I do believe though very strongly in the idea that suppression=numbness=eventual panic and depression. We are psychicly sticking our fingers down our throats to help ourselves throw up. But when, after years of cycling through similar experiences and insights, does it all level out? Is the redirecting an intensification? A war to end all wars? Thanks very much. I'll give you a rest for awhile after this one! NB First let me say the short article (available as a pamphlet) was written so as to fit on one page and contains all that is needed to recover using the self-help. Persons have recovered fully by studying the pamphlet and using the self help as described. It requires a belief in the theory. Have you read the Testimonials? There is also a longer version and the scientific paper available, which if studied will answer your questions. Have you read these? A number of people who are still somewhat in denial have questioned the theory, and there is not much I can say except that I hope they will return to it when they are more 'at a bottom' and ready to benefit from the self help. Some of these people misdirect their anger to me in judgmental criticism. I assure you I have my anger at these attacks. I respond with confrontation and then ignore them. I can understand your concerns, especially since it can seem like you are losing it during a detox crisis, and a detox crisis can be followed by increased depression. Did you read where I suggested putting a sign on the refrig "It will lift"? Your description of a war to end all wars is accurate. This is somewhat explained in the pamphlet here: Mood swings may get worse but are temporary. There is often a 'high' after a release of anger, which has a fast antidepressant effect. This does not mean one is cured. The 'high' may be followed by depression or a drug-like sleep. The next detoxification crisis will bring relief from the depression. It is important to cry and release feelings of grief, which may be intense and last for many months. Headaches, sweating, and fever are common. The point is that the remission you speak of is not a remission, but a point in between the periodic detox crises. The 'banishing of anxiety' through redirecting is temporary until the next detox, and when most of the anger is gone, your symptoms will cease. You will have a normal amount of anger or sadness when appropriate. As for what it is like to normal have your read Archive 74, which I suggested in the Welcome message? This is a periodic withdrawal process of toxic neurochemicals in the brain. To understand that detox crises, ie excitatory symptoms, are healing events, I have suggested in the Welcome message reading Archive no. 406. Did you read this? I hope this will help you to see that emotional and physical symptoms are both detox crises and are healing. And emotional detoxes are likely to make you feel like you are losing it, but you will not lose it if you redirect. There is no other way I can explain this. There should be some references to regressive therapy in the Archives. Have you searched the Archives for this? Try searching for primal. Regressive therapy is useful and I hope that persons who now understand the need to redirect can do so during the therapy. You make a good point about feeling 'least anxiety prone' when tired, and 'most anxiety prone' after having some sleep. Thank you for asking this question. There are three cycles during a 24hr period. Usually mid-day is when we gather food, eat, and digest. At bed time you are likely to feel least anxious, you are somewhat drugged by exogenous and endogenous substances. During sleep the body assimilates and repairs. But toward AM and after sleeping the body begins to detox and at this time you are more likely to feel anxious. There is an increase in detox crises. I need to ask your patience--all on this list--and to say that I am just one person, who was given the gift of understanding this biology, and that it brought me sanity after life long mental illness. Did you read my Confession of a Schizophrenic article? I recovered fully by understanding the simple biology and WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATIONS OR GUIDANCE FROM ANYONE ELSE. The simple biology as described in the pamphlet was all I needed and no one guided me. Even the more complicated biochemical evidence laid out in my scientific article (have you read it?) came to me later and was not needed for my personal recovery. All my questions were answerable by understanding the simple biology as I wrote it in the pamphlet. If it seems a mantra to you, good, keep saying it over and over. I am alone in this endeavor to pass on this miracle to others, and have done it in the best way I know to reach as many people as possible. I offer it freely to anyone who is interested. This list is one way I offer this to others. I'm pleased to say there are many now who have accepted the simple biological concept of toxicosis, the periodic withdrawal process, and the need to redirect at the onset of a detox crisis, which is an excitatory nervous symptom. This mantra will heal you. This is ALL you need to know. I know it takes courage to go through the fear and do the redirecting, and I admire all on this list who are accepting this simple theory and trusting in the process. I am writing all this because, while I'm delighted so many are interested and asking questions, it also means I can't keep up with repeating all the answers. So I hope you will take your time, and read all the articles and the Archives. Please also continue to ask questions if you cannot find the answers in the articles and Archives. I'm happy to say I make no claims about doing this perfectly and am open to being questioned about any errors I have made and would like to correct them. I regret I cannot be available one to one as much as I would like to be. There are thousands who languish in prisons who I hope will be able to recover by reading the pamphlet, and I must trust that they will not find it vague. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I'm going to the lake with my daughter and my mother tomorrow. I hope I will be able to redirect pain, anger, grief, in her presence, silently in my mind, and still be able to interact and have a good time. I'm feeling steadily better, but did notice after she left from a brief visit today there was some sadness surfacing. I pounded pillows and cried but only a little came up. I've had two good days in a row now, where I haven't been too depressed to move. I've been getting things done and beginning to feel alive again. My mother lives five minutes from my house and I talk to her almost daily. This will be the first day trip she and I and my daughter have taken together. I'll try to release some anger tonight before the trip tomorrow so I can be clear for the trip. My mother has changed a lot since the years when she would rage at me, and I can't think of one good reason not to go to the lake with her tomorrow, so I guess I'm going. Lately I've been enduring more than living. But the past two days I've been feeling like I'm living instead of enduring, and I hope I'll be able to continue the trend tomorrow. Will spend the rest of today meditatively redirecting anger toward her and my father in hopes that I'll be clear for tomorrow. Peace, MV You are truly a miracle to be able to do this amidst people. I'm pleased to hear about the sadness emerging. It's a good sign. I had a lot of crying to do, but as time went on the crying was less and less. Ellie The Biology of Emotions: http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety
> I sure hope so! Maybe I would have gotten here one month sooner were it not that I took the anti-anxiety medication. But like you've said -- no guilt for that. I'm thinking of terminating my relationship with my therapist (who's counsel I sought when this crisis his me, about 4 months> ago), due to a few snide remarks he made last session and the feeling I get from him that he saw my torrential outpourings of tears rage and grief during therapy as a sign that I needed to be medicated and not as part of the healing process. I'll let you know if any flood like symptoms return, but the way I feel now I'm expecting these to continue to abate over a period of time, now that I have rediscovered the anger at my parents, and learned to consciously redirect. > Peace, MV
http://home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway OR: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version, the scientific paper, and my story: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26 To join the supportive eGroup: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Depression-Anxiety Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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