A single year
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May 11, 1988 We are spending the night in a motel in Pigeon Forge, Tenn. We left my sister's at about 6:30 am. We drove through the Smokey Mountain National Park, it was beautiful. We drove up to the top of Klingman dome. The mountains, the streams, all remind me of the glory of God. The smile of Jamie, my youngest daughter, along with the real sense of partnership I feel with Linda, make me feel more complete and loved than I could ever have imagined. This is the gift of love from my God that has sustained me through this long suffering spell I seem to be enduring. I think it is about over. I sense I am on the brink of real and meaningful change in my life. O Lord, you must know just how ready I am for this change. I am almost grimly determined to be the man my God wants me to be. I am charging forward now, barging through brick dark walls, in an insatiable rush to get through to the light beyond. Somehow I'll get there. God will not let me do otherwise and I refuse to consider doing otherwise. Here I am, Lord - ready or not - here I am - John May 12, 1988 We are tired and spending the night at a Motel 6 in Dayton, Ohio. We attended mass today in Knoxville at Holy Ghost Catholic Church-10 am mass. A young priest celebrated. He spoke of the importance of God's ascension into heaven. There was no organist, piano, or guitar, just us and the priest. We sang and I thought the people sang out well. People knelt at the communion rail to receive the Eucharist. It was very pre Vatican II. After mass I complimented the young priest on his homily and his singing. He knew we were visitors and introduced us to the pastor whom we learned had been pastor there for 31+ years. The pastor quickly said to us not to compliment him or the next time he would speak longer and sing louder. Maybe he was kidding. Well Lord, tomorrow is the day. Just you take control and be there for us. We love you and whatever you want - no problem! John May 13, 1988 Well we got here, met Father Ed and were interviewed. The car quit running for no apparent reason about 45 miles from Defiance. We paid a young man about $5 to tow us to the nearest auto dealership. We were there about 2 1/2 hours before they were able to look at the car. At first we thought an alternator had gone out, there were no alternators in that town to fit our car. Linda and I prayed to God to heal our car. He did. It was a faulty ground wire to the alternator. We got to Defiance around 5 pm. Father is talkative like me. He also interrupts like me: I liked him, I wanted to like him. The interview took over 1 1/2 hours. We were and are exhausted. Think it was a good interview, I don't know. Last night we read, many are called but few are chosen. The question is where have you chosen us for? Wherever it we will go. Please put us where we belong - where you want us to be. Please speak clearly even if we are sorely afraid of what you have to say. We love you. Please stand with us. Thank you for taking care of our car this day. John Late tonight....Father Ed after a counseling session with someone who needed him, came upstairs, saw we were still awake, and said, "we have decided to offer you the job." He went on to say he was excited about us coming here. It will be impossible to sleep this night! May 14, 1988 We are in Knoxville tonight. We are tired. Father offered us $21,400 + a house. He showed us around Defiance this morning. We talked about many important things with him for over an hour. I don't know if we can do this job. I would not have chosen to go there. Yet after all we have been through, to even consider not going would to me seem to be extraordinarily arrogant. It would be unreal! I have to believe God has led us here. I desperately want to believe this and do! We are to start around July 1. Please Lord, do not turn us loose even for 1 tiny second. John May 15, 1988 We drove through Chattanooga today. We stopped at Rock City and rode the incline railway up Lookout Mountain. The ride was gentle yet exciting. It was our first time. Rock City was cool and pretty and pleasant. We stayed in Macon tonight. We stopped early, had a Chinese dinner, swam, and are now watching a Perry Mason movie on TV. The great emotion of finally having a job is still waiting to erupt. I think we are worried because we have spent so much time being worried. I am determined to stop worrying. I will live in the trust of knowing my God loves me. Praise you Lord God - I love you. I thank you for this opportunity. John May 16, 1988 Well we are back home tonight Merritt Island. We have shared our news with almost everyone. My sister's husband also got his job. There were no offers and no bad news awaiting us here. We finished the book of Matthew last night. Tonight we start reading the book of Mark. There is now much for us to do to get ready to move by the 31st of May. We will be making so many decisions in the next few days- O Lord Jesus stand steadfast and firm with us- guide us in every decision. Do not allow us one small movement without your being very present to guide us. Do not turn us loose. We must not make any part of this change without your giving us the right direction. Please be with us in every thing we do. Thank you for so much. Thank you for the trip. Thank you for everything but most especially for the job. Thank you for loving us. May 17, 1988 It is a very hot and humid day. It is so sticky one can feel the sweat before it begins to form on one's skin. The air is heavy and it is difficult to breathe. It is summer in May in Florida. A day like this day makes making any kind of a decision difficult. You just want to lie around drinking something cold. We can not afford to turn on the air conditioning and we have only one fan. There is no breeze. UPS is going to be our best bet in shipping our goods. I should change the oil in the car get boxes to box up our goods, and do almost a dozen other things. I would like to write about what I feel now that I have a job. I am still numb and the words just are not ready to come. I know they will eventually come. We started reading the book of Mark last night. It is more of a narrative than Matthew. John the Baptist was in either book, quite a man. I really feel a close kindredship with John. He announced the Lord. He told it like it was or is, even though it eventually cost him his life. I think Jesus and John must have been the best of friends. John knew Jesus and John understood what John was to be doing that is preparing the way of Jesus the Lord. Thank you Lord God for the gifts you have given me. John May 18, 1988 The priest from O'Fallon, Illinois called just now. He is very interested but would like us to visit before he would offer the position. Linda explained we had a firm offer and we were going to accept but, Linda did not tell him a direct no. She said she would call him back on Friday to let him know if we were still interested. We are not interested. We have been offered and have accepted a place to serve. Why did we not just say so? Linda is going to call St. Mary's tomorrow and arrange for our insurance to start and see if there is a place we can ship our goods. We are firmly committed to Defiance. Are we going to be tempted by other possibilities now that we finally have someone who wants us? I imagine we will. I am so grateful for the offer from Defiance and the jobs are exciting and the money is fantastic compared to what we have lived on over the last few years. The priest seems terrific and I cannot think of considering another place. Maybe Linda was just being nice to this man. Maybe she was hedging our bets, but against what? Why are we so afraid? Throughout the last few years we have often been close to totally being wiped out yet we almost never hedged our bet. I think we should just get on with being excited and happy over the good fortune and the fine opportunity God has decided to give us. And so I will be! And so I am! May 19, 1988 Now that the wall is down and the vision is clear, I should be able to see far ahead down the road. I see only light after a long dark journey. The light I see is only for this day. One should never fear what tomorrow will bring. There is no way to be certain of what that will be. Only the loving Lord Creator God knows what each moment will bring. Man should only do the best man can each moment of life. I lived in darkness so long and so black, that I have to learn to live again in light. When fearing to laugh for fear of what will follow becomes a man's constant way of living, even light must be grown accustomed to as man's only means of life. In darkness, hope becomes all one has to hold on to. In darkness I held on to hope with all my being. My being was not enough so God sent an angel to steady me. Out of darkness through steadfast hope I have come to light. The light came just in time, for my soul had grown weary and tried. I face the light trembling with fear that I may not be ready. My angel assures me God has prepared me well for light. In God's light I will live and I know I am ready. Lord I am afraid of faltering or failing. Lord I just know you will not allow it to happen. Lord I will remain steadfast in my acceptance of your love. Lead me O Lord into the fullness of life in your light!
It was a world where good triumphed over evil. It was a world where God overcame all obstacles. It was a place and a time where anything was possible. A place where no matter how hard evil tried, good prevailed.
It seems that we have come to accept that evil is. I live in a world that has accepted evil as reality.
Let us become a people that love one another. Let us become the people we were created to be. Let us become a world full of people who believe. And let us live truly what we believe. Most of all, let what we believe be centered in God's love for us. Amen! May 21, 1988 What if you woke up tomorrow and tomorrow was the day after tomorrow and not tomorrow? What if you woke up and tomorrow was one hundred years from today or even one year from today? What if you woke up tomorrow and tomorrow was no more? What would you have left behind of importance? Would it be possible to know you had even existed? What of importance if anything did you leave behind? What kind of life did you live? How did you live your life? What did you do that was good while you were alive? If you were to be remembered, how would it be as? Was there love present in your life? If there was love in the way you lived your life, people will remember and tomorrow will be more than today was. Today in the life of a loving being is life in its fullest. Did you ever love anyone beside yourself? Did you ever care for someone in need? When did you ever help someone even if no one ever helped did you? When did you ever care more for someone than for yourself? Did you ever love yourself so much you could not help but love others? Do you fear tomorrow's coming more than living today? Do you seek to see all you can be every moment of your day? Do you include the God who created you in your every action? Have you turned away from your fellow man so as not to be hurt? If so, we both know why tomorrow is of such concern. It is not too late seek God's help. It is not too late to make your life count. God is never too late and God is always ready for you. Change your life while you have the chance. Draw on the love God has for you as the power to be all you can ever be. If you choose to make your life worthwhile, if you choose to live a life of love, if you choose to make a difference, then my friend you will be remembered forever - and whatever tomorrow you wake up in will be the same! May 22, 1988 All around us was uncertain. Fear prevailed in our heart. We felt alone and suddenly lost. There was no leadership among us. The crowds outside screamed for our lives. My soul cried out for mercy. There was this strange but real inner strength. All of us, I even me, could feel it. No matter how frightened we were, there was a certain calming strength. And then once more terror set in as the crowd screamed louder. We could hardly move a limb of our body. Then one of us really wanted to move. I could not help but think what if Jesus was still here? What would the Master do? What would he expect us to do? It seemed I was not alone in my thoughts of the Master. There was this impulsive burst of open prayer. Suddenly all of us gathered in that room, joined together in open, honest, and fearful prayer. Aloud we implored our Lord and master for a direct sign. Then there was quiet so quiet one could hear the sweat form. The noise of the crowd grew in volume. We were no longer afraid but now we were one. It was in this oneness that what happened, happened. It was in this unexpected oneness that the spirit came with a rush of roaring wind and amid the noise of life. Trembling with the fear of anticipation, some thought the end of the world had come. Fire appeared over each and every one of us. Fire came and dwelled within the heart of each of us. The love that is born with the first life of each man leapt to a fiery blast and roared from the furnace of our being. The spirit of God came and dwelled in us. The spirit of God ignited the fire of our souls and action became our being before we were even aware of the action. I sprang out the door completely unaware. It wasn't that I was unafraid of the crowd, I did not even see the crowd. I saw the people of God. My mouth opened and words poured forth from my fire. What I said came from deep within the love of my God for me. I was not alone as my fellow brothers and sisters also had reacted as I had. Filled, overflowing with the Good News, there was no thought of not doing this. There also was no thought of doing g this thing either. So many hearts for the first time heard of Jesus. So many heart s for the first time loved Jesus. So many people for the first time accepted. So much was accomplished by the Spirit that glorious day, indeed yes, this is how it all began. May 23, 1988 A father is a man who loves. Without love a man cannot be a father. A father is a man who takes care of and allows the ones who love him to care for him. A father is a man who shows the way through the action of his being. If there is no action there is no fatherhood. A father does not have to be anything except himself. A father determines the meaning of family.
A mother is a woman who comforts the ones she loves. A mother is the action by which unity takes place. A woman of loving comforting action is a mother. A mother is a woman who is all things to the ones she loves. A mother gives meaning to the word family. A child is the love action of man, woman, and God. A child is the sail seeking the wind. A child will be whatever is opened to his or her presence. A child is to be cared for through the loving presence of parents. A child has needs of being loved, directed, and held. Parents provide for the needs of the child. A child in a family will grow to be a father or mother.
A man can unite with a woman and through the grace of God, a child is born, yet that man may not be the child's father, the same can be said of a woman. A physical relationship does not insure being a father or a mother. Just as a father, mother, and a child does not insure family. It is the presence of love that brings it about. Father, mother, child, and God united in love is family. May 24, 1988 We are well on our way to being packed. It looks as though we will have 15 - 18 boxes about 50 - 60 pounds each to send to Defiance. We are going to send them by UPS. We hope it will not cost us more than the $250 a very nice lady gave us to move on. It is very hot and humid. The sweat drips down our body and our tempers are under control but short. I think once it is done and we are ready to move everything will be just fine. I know it will be. See Lord, how is that for believing. Why not? You have taken care of us so well. I think it is important to note we were offered the job in Defiance on the 140th day of writing this year. Remember last year when all seemed lost? I thought I was to write for 70 days. The message is clear, I am to write every day of my life from this day on. This is the last day until we unpack in Defiance that I will be writing on the computer. I have a small book that I will write in daily until then. There will be days when I will be tired and not sure what to write. Then I will need the firmness of my angel friends to steady me. I am counting on it. O Lord thank you for the many gifts you have bestowed on me and my family. Do not turn us loose O Lord, do not turn us loose. Hold us tight and let us cling tightly to our God May 25, 1988 So I begin again to write by hand. Most everything we are shipping is packed…20 boxes - $221.67 UPS - to be picked up on Friday. We still have the car to pack, the apartment to clean, and Nikki's things to take to my parents. We are listless and tired and strangely enough a little depressed. Lord heal us mentally, physically, and spiritually...Lord take care of our daughters and let us do what you want us to do. Above all, Lord, please do not let us fail in our efforts to serve you; to become better people. I really think we have finally stumbled on to the right path. Please keep us on your pathway, do not turn us loose. I think of all those people in the bible who just believed if they could touch you they would be healed. I do not even need to touch you I know at your discretion, I will be healed. I love you Lord May 26, 1988 One more day, almost done. Nikki's things are taken to my parents. Everything is finally ready for UPS. Our car is ready to be packed. Jamie is being a chatterbox. She is just nervous like us. I told her to be quiet until I told her she could speak. I told her she could speak too soon. She is still a little mad at me. I don't blame her. I love her so very much. I wondered if I sold out. If by taking this job, I had become a teacher of the law, I do not think I have. After all I did not or do not even particularly want to go to Ohio. I'm going because, it seems to be where God wants be. And am so very grateful God wants me anywhere, anytime. I guess I am more than just a little irritable too tonight. Stand firmly with me – hold me Lord God – do not let me falter. May 27, 1988 Well we said goodbye to the people of Devine Mercy this morning. Devine Mercy is a large (growing larger) affluent parish that has not accepted its wealth yet. The school is run by three sisters from Ireland who have been at Devine Mercy for over 20 years - since the inception of the school. The: school is the center of the parish community. The school along with the daily mass people is the core of Christianity. Sister Vera is the principal. She is as honest and straightforward as are the other two sisters. You can quickly pick up on the fact that Vera is the one in authority. She is very quiet and yet unmistakably firm. There is a certain gentleness about her. Sister Ann perhaps could use a change or scenery. She is so aware of people and their needs. She would be a wonderful parish pastoral Administrator. She helped me so much this year. She is so talented. Sister Cybil was the original head of the school, the first principal. She teaches religion quietly but indeed firmly. She is loving, gentle, and knowledgeable. Jamie really loves her. Father Ed is the pastor. He is not yet aware of what it fully means to be a pastor. Yeti if the parish will unite behind him, and stand with him, he will learn. He means well. He does not seem to be able to help not giving off wrong signals. He is a pastoral man even if he is not sure of what it means to be pastoral. Thank you God for bringing us to Devine Mercy, we needed so much this year. Thank you Lord for giving Jamie a good, Christian, Catholic school to attend. Thank you for Father Tim of whom I'll write about another day and time. Stand with us Lord. Do not let us falter. Thank you for loving us and being …our God. May 28, 1988 Had car front end aligned - $32. Bought medicine, $69, sent Nikki $50, and bought Dad a small Father's Day gift. Gigi is leaving St. Bonaventure right now Lord, please keep her safe. It was a good year for her. I think she learned about people and herself. She contributed much to their community. I am proud of her. We began reading Luke's gospel today. We read chapter 1. It is certainly one of the most beautiful chapters in the bible. John means "one who was sent from God to prepare the way." I am John also. I know I am not the Baptist or anything like him, but I am John. I so want to live up to my name. I hope I will not fail my God. John May 29, 1988 Spent whole day at Epcot Center at Disney World in Orlando. Family is exhausted and it is near 11 pm, will write about today tomorrow. Survived all problems today through grace of our Lord's love. Needed all me provided. It was a good day! John Yüklə 1,1 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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