The unisex purity test

XI. The Meaning Of Life
(Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll - 155 Questions)
Have you:
961.considered the song "I want to hold your hand" suggestive?

962.considered 'why don't we do it in the road' a reasonable question?

963.Do you know (no guessing) who followed Hendrix at Woodstock?

964.been intoxicated from alcohol?

965.been intoxicated from some other drug?

966.been intoxicated from a controlled or illicit drug?

967.been intoxicated with fear?

968.introduced someone to 'drugs' in general?

969.introduced someone to a new (to them) drug?

970.used over the counter drugs for purposes of getting intoxicated?

971.taken any drug that you weren't sure what it was, just to find out what it does

(foolish you)?

972.used prescription drugs that you didn't 'need' or have the prescription for ('abused' a

controlled substance)?

973.bought a controlled or illicit drug?

974.sold a controlled or illicit drug?

975.bought a controlled or illicit drug, wholesale?

976.sold a controlled or illicit drug, wholesale?

977.sold as a controlled or illicit drug a non-drug item (burned somebody)?

978.bought what you thought was a controlled or illicit drug, but "found out" it wasn't?

979.bought a controlled or illicit drug in bulk for personal use?

980.frequently bought controlled or illicit drugs in bulk for personal use (like weekly or

there about)?

981.had a standing order with your supplier?

982.taken a non-prescription opiate (heroin, morphine, or opium) more than 4 times?

983.ingested cocaine (Bolivian marching powder)?

984.more than once?

985.more than four times?

986.smoked crack?

987.more than once?

988.more than four times?

989.freebased?

990.chugged?

991.sniffed glue?

992.smoked the killer weed (tobacco)?

993.more than once?

994.on a regular basis?

995.chain smoked?

996.smoked the killer weed (marijuana)?

997.more than once?

998.more than four times?

999.smoked the killer weed (oregano)?

1000.smoked the killer weed (parsley)?

1001.smoked banana peels?

1002.smoked toad skins?

1003.smoked clove cigarettes?

1004.smoked nutmeg?

1005.smoked bellybutton lint?

1006.chewed tobacco, or snuff?

1007.gargled with hard liquor (No more mediciny breath!)?

1008.had alcohol for breakfast?

1009.drank Coke & nutmeg?

1010.drank Coke & aspirin?

1011.made Alice B. Toklas Cookies (marijuana or hash brownies)?

1012.eaten Alice B. Toklas Cookies?

1013.eaten what you thought were "normal brownies" (but they had hash in them)?

1014.inhaled nitrous oxide (laughing gas) recreationally?

1015.injected any non-prescription drug into yourself?

1016.more than once?

1017.more than four times?

1018.injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into yourself?

1019.more than once?

1020.more than four times?

1021.injected any non-prescription drug into someone else?

1022.more than once?

1023.injected more than one non-prescription drug simultaneously into someone else?

1024.more than once?

1025.played a drinking game (involving alcohol, not 'who can drink the most water with-

out peeing)?

1026.played a drinking game that actually involved skill (if you answer 'yes,' you're

probably lying or drunk)?

1027.won a drinking game?

1028.played a game where it was unknown who would be getting drugs (who's got the

pill, etc.)?

1029.spiked punch with alcohol?

1030.spiked punch with other drugs?

1031.given someone a drink that they didn't know was spiked?

1032.taken any synthetic hallucinogen (MDA, STP, Deep Purple, or Sandoz)?

1033.Did you understand the examples in the last question?

1034.invented a synthetic hallucinogen?

1035.ingested any 'natural' hallucinogen (peyote, mescaline, 'shrooms, ergot)?

1036.more than once?

1037.more than four times?

1038.dropped (or whatever your preferred ingestion method happens to be) acid?

1039.tripped for more than a week?

1040.tripped for one full year?

1041.had a bad trip (a shitty vacation doesn't cut it)?

1042.had a flashback?

1043.gotten a bad batch?

1044.taken hallucinogens for enlightenment, or other philosophical reason?

1045.tried to force yourself into a bad trip because true fear excites you?

1046.taken PCP or other veterinary drug?

1047.more than once?

1048.more than four times?

1049.taken any 'designer' drugs?

1050.taken ecstasy ("X", "e", MDMA)?

1051.more than once?

1052.done speed or methamphetamine?

1053.more than once?

1054.more than four times?

1055.done ice (purified meth)?

1056.more than once?

1057.more than four times?

1058.made or synthesized your own drugs?

1059.made or synthesized drugs, 'commercially' (been the lab)?

1060.grown your own?

1061.bred your own?

1062.bought 'moonshine' (any alcoholic beverage made outside the Federal limit of 200

gallons annually for personal consumption)?

1063.been to a rock or heavy metal concert?

1064.been to a Frank Zappa rock concert?

1065.been to a Grateful Dead concert?

1066.been to a Barry Manilow concert?

1067.listened to acid rock?

1068.been to a blues club?

1069.Were you at [the original] Woodstock?

1070.Were you at Woodstock '94?

1071.been a groupie?

1072.been a roadie?

1073.thought about starting a band to meet groupies?

1074.thought about starting a band to get good dope?

1075.actually started a band to get groupies or dope?

1076.told someone you were with the band?

1077.Did it work?

1078.sung dirty songs, the kind with no subtlety in the lyrics (e.g. I wanna fuck you like

an animal)?

1079.sung bawdy songs (e.g. Polka Dot Undies, Do Your Ears Hang Low, The Bottle

Song)?

1080.composed bawdy lyrics?

1081.brewed your own?

1082.had sex while drunk or stoned?

1083.had sex while on acid?

1084.bungee-jumped on acid?

1085.had sex while on any illicit drug (sorry, Advil doesn't cut it)?

1086.used the USC Scheduled Drug List as a checklist of what to try?

1087.used the USC Scheduled Drug List as a checklist of what to try while having sex?

1088.done them all (just waiting for the new list)?

1089.used any drug when you were too wasted to know if it had any effect (e.g. smoked

pot while blitzed)?

1090.used a second drug to cancel out the effects of a first (using downers after uppers,

etc. [note: it doesn't work])?

1091.taken mood altering drugs without prescription (Valium or Quaalude)?

1092.been on Prozac?

1093.been on Prozac by prescription?

1094.been on Ritilin?

1095.been on Ritilin by prescription?

1096.tried a drug because it had a neat name, like Zantac or Xanax?

1097.been told you had sex the night before and you can't recall a thing?

1098.awoken the next morning wondering where you were?

1099.awoken the next morning wondering if you had a good time?

1100.awoken the next morning wondering where you were, and who's that next to you?

1101.awoken the next morning wondering who you were?

1102.felt like the Three Bears (who's been sleeping in my bed)?

1103.felt like Papa Bear (you're just big and hairy)?

1104.felt like Baby Bear (who's that sleeping in my bed)?

1105.ever thrown up from too much alcohol [a.k.a. puked, spewed, barfed, retched,

driven the porcelain bus, blown chips, tossed your cookies, the Technicolor yawn, prayed

to the porcelain god, called for the car (There's

Ralph's Buick), talked to Ralph on the big, white phone, etc.]?

1106.ever had blackouts (periods where you don't remember what happened)?

1107.been hung over?

1108.had a hangover last more than one day?

1109.taken the hair of the dog that bit you (drinking to cure hangover)?

1110.been to an AA meeting, or the like?

1111.been to a drug-rehab meeting?

1112.been to a GLBA (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Alliance) meeting or the like?

1113.listened to techno (REAL techno, not "bass re-mixes" of crappy songs)?

1114.been to a rave?

1115.been to a rave that lasted more than 24 hours?
XII. Green Eggs and Ham
(Locality - 222 Questions)
*note: these are NOT questions you're supposed to answer:
"Have you done it on a plane?

Have you done it on a train?

Have you done it in your bed?

Have you done it on your head?

Have you, have you,

had green eggs and ham?"

(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)
Have you:
1116.in a bed (how mundane), had oral sex?

1117.in a bed, fucked?

1118.with others in the same room, had oral sex?

1119.with others in the same room, fucked?

1120.with others in the same room, had oral sex without them knowing?

1121.with others in the same room, fucked without them knowing?

1122.with others in the same room, had oral sex with their full knowledge?

1123.with others in the same room, fucked with their full knowledge?

1124.while parents were sleeping, had oral sex?

1125.while parents were sleeping, fucked?

1126.while parents were sleeping in the same room, had oral sex?

1127.while parents were sleeping in the same room, fucked?

1128.while parents were awake, had oral sex?

1129.while parents were awake, fucked?

1130.while parents were awake in the same room, had oral sex?

1131.while parents were awake in the same room, fucked?

1132.with parents watching you (and giving pointers), had oral sex?

1133.with parents watching you, fucked?

1134.while hot tubbing, had oral sex?

1135.while hot tubbing, fucked?

1136.while hot tubbing with other people, had oral sex without them knowing?

1137.while hot tubbing with other people, fucked with out them knowing?

1138.in a sauna or steam bath, had oral sex?

1139.in a sauna or steam bath, fucked?

1140.in a chair, couch, recliner, etc., had oral sex?

1141.in a chair, couch, recliner, etc., fucked?

1142.on a sleeper sofa (in either couch or bed mode), had oral sex?

1143.on a sleeper sofa, fucked?

1144.in a place of religion, had oral sex?

1145.in a place of religion, fucked?

1146.in a place of the dead (morgue, cemetery, etc.), had oral sex?

1147.in a place of the dead, fucked?

1148.in a contraption of the dead (coffin, urn, etc.), had oral sex?

1149.in a contraption of the dead, fucked?

1150.during a movie (in a theater), had oral sex?

1151.during a movie, fucked?

1152.in a sports area (stadium, court, track, or ballfield), had oral sex?

1153.in a sports area, fucked?

1154.in a sports area (stadium, court, track, or ballfield) with a game (or whatever) going

on, had oral sex?

1155.in a sports area with a game going on, fucked?

1156.in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT (a car, small pickup, minivan,

etc.), had oral sex?

1157.in a stationary vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?

1158.in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds GWT(a van,

pickup), had oral sex?

1159.in a stationary vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds GWT,

fucked?

1160.in a stationary vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT(a semi, RV, tank, etc.),

had oral sex?

1161.in a stationary vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, fucked?

1162.in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?

1163.in a moving vehicle of less than 3000 pounds GWT, fucked?

1164.in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds pounds GWT,

had oral sex?

1165.in a moving vehicle of more than 3000 but less than 10,000 pounds pounds GWT,

fucked?

1166.in a moving vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, had oral sex?

1167.in a moving vehicle of more than 10,000 pounds GWT, fucked?

1168.with the operator of a moving vehicle, had oral sex?

1169.with the operator of a moving vehicle, fucked?

1170.as the operator of a moving vehicle, had oral sex?

1171.as the operator of a moving vehicle, fucked?

1172.on a train, had oral sex?

1173.on a train, fucked?

1174.on a roller coaster, had oral sex?

1175.on a roller coaster, fucked?

1176.in a wheelbarrow, had oral sex?

1177.in a wheelbarrow, fucked?

1178.while parachuting, had oral sex?

1179.while parachuting, fucked?

1180.on a boat (motorboat, sailboat, rowboat, kayak, inflatable-thingy), had oral sex?

1181.on a boat, fucked?

1182.on a ship (battleship, aircraft carrier, etc.), had oral sex?

1183.on a ship, fucked?

1184.in an aircraft (airplane, blimp, zeppelin, hovercraft, hot-air balloon, UFO, etc.) in

flight, had oral sex?

1185.in an aircraft in flight, fucked?

1186.on public transportation (bus, subway, tram or trolley), had oral sex?

1187.on public transportation, fucked?

1188.on a school bus, had oral sex?

1189.on a school bus, fucked?

1190.on a "short bus", had oral sex?

1191.on a "short bus", fucked?

1192.on horseback, had oral sex?

1193.on horseback, fucked?

1194.on a bicycle in motion, had oral sex?

1195.on a bicycle in motion, fucked?

1196.in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclo-

sure, had oral sex?

1197.in a telephone booth, voting booth, hall closet, or other small, non-moving enclo-

sure, fucked?

1198.in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover, had oral sex?

1199.in an elevator, on an escalator or other people mover, fucked?

1200.on the roof of a building, had oral sex?

1201.on the roof of a building, fucked?

1202.on the roof of a building where others might see you, had oral sex?

1203.on the roof of a building where others might see you, fucked?

1204.where the immediately surrounding temperature was below freezing, had oral sex

(ie, you actually have to be out in it...being inside when it's cold outside doesn't cut it)?

1205.where the immediately surrounding temperature was below freezing, fucked (again,

you must be in the cold)?

1206.in the snow, had oral sex?

1207.in the snow, fucked (now that's fucking cold)?

1208.out of doors, had oral sex?

1209.out of doors, fucked?

1210.in a gazebo, had oral sex?

1211.in a gazebo, fucked?

1212.in a tree, had oral sex?

1213.in a tree, fucked?

1214.fucked a tree?

1215.in a semi public location where there was a possibility of discovery, had oral sex?

1216.in a semi public location where there was a possibility of discovery, fucked?

1217.because there was a possibility of discovery, had oral sex in a semi public locale?

1218.because there was a possibility of discovery, fucked in a semi public locale?

1219.at a public event (such as a rock concert, rally, or riot), had oral sex?

1220.at a public event, fucked?

1221.in a library, had oral sex?

1222.in a library, fucked?

1223.in a free flowing body of water (river, lake, ocean), had oral sex?

1224.in a free flowing body of water, fucked?

1225.on a beach, had oral sex?

1226.on a beach, fucked?

1227.in a classroom, had oral sex?

1228.in a classroom, fucked?

1229.in a hallway, had oral sex?

1230.in a hallway, fucked?

1231.in a living room, family room, or the like, had oral sex?

1232.in a living room, family room, or the like, fucked?

1233.in a kitchen, had oral sex?

1234.in a kitchen, fucked?

1235.in any other household room other than those mentioned, had oral sex?

1236.in any other household room other than those mentioned, fucked?

1237.on a household appliance, had oral sex?

1238.on a household appliance, fucked?

1239.on a table or countertop, had oral sex?

1240.on a table or countertop, fucked?

1241.on a pinball machine, had oral sex?

1242.on a pinball machine, fucked?

1243.on a jukebox, had oral sex?

1244.on a jukebox, fucked?

1245.on a pool table, had oral sex?

1246.on a pool table, fucked?

1247.on a piano, had oral sex?

1248.on a piano, fucked?

1249.on an electric organ (the piano-esque type), had oral sex?

1250.on an electric organ, fucked?

1251.on, in, or against a pipe organ, had oral sex?

1252.on, in, or against a pipe organ, fucked?

1253.on a big pile of pillows, had oral sex?

1254.on a big pile of pillows, fucked?

1255.on any other rec-room-type object, had oral sex?

1256.on any other rec-room-type object, fucked?

1257.on or in a national monument, had oral sex?

1258.on or in a national monument, fucked?

1259.showered with a member of the opposite sex in a 'non-coed' facility (locker room,

dorm shower, whatever)?

1260.while showering in a 'non-coed' facility, had oral sex?

1261.while showering in a 'non-coed' facility, fucked?

1262.on a trampoline, had oral sex?

1263.on a trampoline, fucked?

1264.in a pool, had oral sex?

1265.in a pool, fucked?

1266.on a barstool, had oral sex?

1267.on a barstool, fucked?

1268.in a mall, had oral sex?

1269.in a mall, fucked?

1270.in a department store (in the changing room counts), had oral sex?

1271.in a department store, fucked?

1272.in a barn, had oral sex?

1273.in a barn, fucked?

1274.in hay or straw, had oral sex?

1275.in hay or straw, fucked?

1276.on some heavenly body other than the Earth (moon, Jupiter, Mercury, the sun, an-

other star, etc.), had oral sex?

1277.on some heavenly body other than the Earth, fucked?

1278.in a moving vehicle being driven by your parents, had oral sex?

1279.in a moving vehicle being driven by your parents, fucked?

1280.in a moving vehicle being driven by your partner's parents, had oral sex?

1281.in a moving vehicle being driven by your partner's parents, fucked?

1282.on a computer, had oral sex?

1283.on a computer, fucked?

1284.on a futon, had oral sex?

1285.on a futon, fucked?

1286.on a papusan (those bowl-chair-things), had oral sex?

1287.on a papusan, fucked?

1288.on a balcony, had oral sex?

1289.on a balcony, fucked?

1290.on the roof of a vehicle, had oral sex?

1291.on the roof of a vehicle, fucked?

1292.on a merry-go-round (store or ride), had oral sex?

1293.on a merry-go-round, fucked?

1294.on a carousel, had oral sex?

1295.on a carousel, fucked?

1296.in a sewer or storm drain, had oral sex?

1297.in a sewer or storm drain, fucked?

1298.in the street, had oral sex?

1299.in the street, fucked?

1300.in the street with traffic, had oral sex?

1301.in the street with traffic, fucked?

1302.in a box, had oral sex?

1303.in a box, fucked?

1304.on a windowsill, had oral sex?

1305.on a windowsill, fucked?

1306.on a shelf, had oral sex?

1307.on a shelf, fucked?

1308.in an attic, had oral sex?

1309.in an attic, fucked?

1310.on a jungle-gym, had oral sex?

1311.on a jungle-gym, fucked?

1312.on a slide, had oral sex?

1313.on a slide, fucked?

1314.on a water slide (not just a wet slide), had oral sex?

1315.on a water slide, fucked?

1316.on a picnic table, had oral sex?

1317.on a picnic table, fucked?

1318.on a golf course, had oral sex?

1319.on a golf course, fucked?

1320.in a cage, had oral sex?

1321.in a cage, fucked?

1322.in a lighthouse, had oral sex?

1323.in a lighthouse, fucked?

1324.on a work table, had oral sex?

1325.on a work table, fucked?

1326.on a tablesaw (need not be turned on at the time), had oral sex?

1327.on a tablesaw, fucked?

1328.on a stage, had oral sex?

1329.on a stage, fucked?

1330.on a stage, in front of an audience, had oral sex (can be part of a play, but you must

have ACTUALLY done it)?

1331.on a stage, in front of an audience, fucked (again, must actually have done it)?

1332.on a skateboard, had oral sex?

1333.on a skateboard, fucked?

1334.while doing a handstand (or headstand), had oral sex?

1335.while doing a handstand, fucked?

1336.while at least one of you was Velcro-ed to a wall, had oral sex?

1337.while at least one of you was Velcro-ed to a wall, fucked?