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163 From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Fri Jan 14, 2000 5:06am Subject: Regression Fred wrote that he was about to start the regressive self-help measures. There is no such thing as time regression in the brain, and to attempt to regress and recall and relive all the early childhood trauma in detail is not necessary, and can even cause severe emotional trauma. Some who have attempted this by way of self-primalling have become disoriented, even psychotic. A primal is a detoxification crisis and is healing. But primalling is best done with a professional therapist, and even here, if the anger is not redirected during the primal, it can be more emotionally painful than necessary. If primal therapists made sure we redirected during the primal, and we could afford and have time for intensive primal therapy, this would be great, but most of us are not able to do this, and the self help measures accomplish the same thing. Having a mental awareness of all our past abusers, and watching for nervous symptoms (which are detox crises, which are also primals), and redirecting the anger to all past abusers during these symptoms is a fast way to heal, and safer than self-primalling. The body is in charge of this detoxification process, and all we need to do is go with it. It's fine if you do remember the nature of the abuse and think about it when redirecting the anger, but focusing on the abusers accomplishes the same thing. After I became post flood those neural pathways where memories of childhood trauma were stored were pretty much cleared out. I was then able to reflect back and remember some details of my birth. For example I recalled and could feel having been wrapped too tightly after birth, but there was no longer any emotional trauma related to this. I could even remember some prebirth trauma. Everything that ever happened to us is stored in the brain, and if the neurons have not died some of the details are still there. Ellie,
All the trouble concentrating, etc. will eventually clear up, and you don't really need to take steps toward recovery, but just be aware when your body, ie your brain, is signaling an opportunity to do some redirecting of anger. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Fri Jan 14, 2000 5:42am Subject: My Author Note Please reply if you would like to read a longer version of my Author Note. It is an article with my story of recovery, which I am submitting to the journal Schizophrenia Bulletin. They accept articles from patients that are First Person Accounts. It would be helpful to you if you are using the self help measures. I will send it to you as a Word attachment. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sat Jan 15, 2000 6:53am Subject: Regression Hi Ellie. This isn't strictly re. regression, but it's related. I'm having some good success now with a new way of working with directing. Instead of waiting to redirect anger only when I'm totally upset and raging about something, which isn't happening much at all now, thank God!, I now kind of orchestrate my directing. I purposely dredge up a memory like maybe once in the morning and once in the evening, of something that's always been really painful for me that my parents did, and then I take my soft weights and pound on the sofa while thinking of them and recreating the scene in my head. An example is that my dad used to say, for years, every time our family would go to visit anyone, "Hello, I'm --- and this is my wife, --- and son, ---, and this is our "darlin' adopted daughter Shirley. "Over and over I heard "darlin' adopted daughter Shirley." Yesterday I pummeled them to death for it, even though no blood was spilled and it was all for my benefit only. The important thing I'm realizing is that this stuff is all churning around in my neurons and cells, and I can selectively work on it even when it doesn't come up in real dramatic ways. The results are dramatic, though, as each day I seem to gain more clarity and positive focus. I want very much to share this with the homeless in Boston, of whom there are so many. I know this is working, because the "flatness" I've felt for so many years is slowly lifting and giving way to the compassion and spiritual joy that I remember from the better times in my life. I would say every area of my life has improved a lot already, even in the short time I've been doing this. Shirely Yes, yes, this sounds great what you are doing and very healing. I was concerned that people would think they have to self primal, ie sink into a re-enactment of very early trauma and all the pain associated with it without redirecting. This is why I suggested focusing more on redirecting anger toward the abusers rather than to specific early trauma. But if you can recall the incidents and can use them to redirect this is good. I read Dianetics while I was redirecting, and I sometimes used their techniques to think on past events and redirect while doing that. Here is an example. I was terrified of electricity and even of lying on my back for 40 years after the incident of being given a shock treatment that didn't put me out and I felt all the electricity. I could not lie on my back without feeling terror. What I finally did was to lie on my back and reflect on that and when the fear gripped me, instead of getting up, I screamed and cursed at those psychiatrists who did that. I did this several times, and now am comfortable lying that way. For the first time in 40 years, I actually fell asleep in that position. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sat Jan 15, 2000 6:11am Subject: Noradrenaline I wanted to know the correlation of crying & anger & excess noradrenaline?? Dianne The expression of anger is dependent on the release of noradrenaline from noradrenaline containing neurons in the brain and in the sympathetic nervous system, which is peripheral. When we had to suppress anger in childhood, excess noradrenaline and other neurochemicals accumulated in the neurons. This is what caused the toxicosis there. During the periodic detox crises (ie during nervous symptoms) some of the excess noradrenaline is released and overexcites the nervous system. Anger gets released as rage usually misdirected inward or toward others, rather than toward the original abusers. This excess noradrenaline is also what causes the 'high' during a release of anger. It is the same as giving huge amounts of antidepressants, which work by increasing noradrenaline at synapses. If you recall the boys at Jonesboro were 'high as kites' while they were killing others, ie releasing anger, ie releasing huge amounts of noradrenaline. There is also a toxicosis in the acetylcholine neurons and the brain and in the parasympathetic nervous system. Crying is a function of the parasympathetic nervous system. I don't focus on this much in my scientific article because there is little scientific study about this toxicosis. Also the important work is to first clear out the excess noradrenaline in the brain and sympathetic systems, which control the fight or flight response. Recovery is a restoration of the fight or flight response which we had to suppress as children. The sympathetic and parasympathetic systems work together but also sometimes have opposite effects. The sympathetic system is usually excitatory, whereas the parasympathetic system is calming. When the noradrenaline neurons and the sympathetic system (which control anger) clear out, then the acetylcholine neurons (which control grief) can clear out, and as they do there is crying. This is why grief generally follows the release of anger, but it can also go along with it. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sat Jan 15, 2000 9:53am Subject: Passing it on I want very much to share this with the homeless in Boston, of whom there are so many. Shirely I'm pleased to hear if people want to pass this on, although I hope no one feels obliged to do this. The article is now available on my web sites as a pdf file, which can be printed out as a pamphlet in all the languages. My experience has been that only about one percent of people who are exposed to the article are interested in using it in their recovery, so I aim to reach as many people as possible. As I mentioned, Mayor Giuliani of NYC responded by sending it to the Department of Mental Health, and they are going to distribute it to the homeless in NYC at the city shelters and elsewhere. He also has a special police unit that serves the homeless. The Mayor said in his state of the city message this week that his intention is to confront the homeless about their addictions and mental illness. As you know the article is confrontational. I mentioned in my letter to him that I did not want any personal publicity about this...I didn't even give him my phone number. (BTW some of you have my phone number and address...please keep this confidential). This is like 12 step work, so I feel the need to be as anonymous as possible. Also when people are confronted they can respond with anger. I don't recommend trying to shove it down anyone's throat...you will get anger misdirected at you. If you offer it to friend you may lose the friend, although sometimes people respond by saying "O, I know someone who can use this" and then they will pass it on. I've been telling everyone there are no more 'highs' post flood, but I have to take that back. There is a really beautiful 'high' every time I send this out. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sat Jan 15, 2000 10:01am Subject: PS to Passing it on Here's an important tip to passing it on. When I do tell someone about it or show them the pamphlet, I never suggest it is for that person. I tell them I'm sending it to prisoners, or for the homeless. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sun Jan 16, 2000 4:45am Subject: Peripheral disorders Hi Ellie, I was wondering if there could be other diseases that are caused by repressed anger. What about diabetes? I know that diet and weight are factors but could it also be influenced by our emotions? I have heard some research on cancer and emotions, but what do you think? Have you heard or know of any research on these two diseases? Carol
Please see Archive 76. Unless disease has reached the point of irreversible organic damage, the symptoms of most diseases whether physical or emotional (which is also physical) are detoxification crises. There is toxicosis in most of the body organs as a result of bad food, ie the Standard American Diet is pretty much poisonous. Foods that are processed and overly cooked consist mostly of nutrients that have been changed into substances the body can not use. Since the toxicosis caused by repressed anger is in the part of the brain and sympathetic nervous system that control the daily job of detoxification, symptoms of peripheral disorders should improve when one is post flood. But diabetes is due to toxicosis and the resulting damage in the pancreas, not just because of the suppression of emotions. My pancreas is permanently damaged from too many drugs, and probably will never work perfectly. Same for cancer...when toxins accumulate the body walls them off as tumors, eventually the cells go mad and tumors become malignant. If the nervous system can do its job of controlling daily detoxification, AND if diet consists mostly of natural foods, tumors can recede. I have a lung tumor that has receded, but will probably not go away completely, yet I have no fear it will become malignant. Below is the section from my paper on peripheral disorders. There are lots of other research papers on the connection of emotions to physical disease, but I don't think anyone until this finding of mine of toxicosis in the brain has been able to explain it.
Because of toxicosis in the hypothalamus the activity of pituitary hormones may be altered periodically, adversely affecting a number of systems. The periodic shift from under-excitation to over-excitation in the autonomic nervous system contributes to a variety of psychosomatic disorders, better termed neurogenic. Fluctuations in parasympathetic activity affect the heart, digestion, and elimination. Because the entire sympathetic system is usually excited at the same time, periodic changes in its activity affect most of the visceral organs. The sympathetic system increases cellular metabolism, which accelerates the release of toxins throughout the body. When this system is repressed, the body cannot efficiently carry out the daily process of detoxification. Tumors can occur anywhere in the body where toxins are being walled-off, but enervation in the central and autonomic nervous systems is likely to contribute to cancer. Increased levels of dopamine and its metabolites are associated with ganglioneuromas and neuroblastomas (35). Excess catecholamine in the adrenal gland is found in pheochromocytoma. Women with metastatic breast cancer were shown to live longer when they entered therapy for the release of repressed emotions, and patients who died more rapidly were less able to communicate dysphoric feelings, particularly anger (36). During detoxification crises the sympathetic system is overactive, and there is an increased release of catecholamines, which, in persons prone to outbursts of anger, has been linked to coronary heart disease (37). Decreased hypothalamic activity or increased tissue metabolism as a result of overexcitation of the sympathetic system may cause the thyroid to become hypoactive. People generally see a doctor when they are having symptoms, namely detoxification crises that involve both the central nervous system and peripheral organs, and they may be diagnosed with hypothyroidism when there is no actual pathology in the thyroid gland. In recovery, hypothyroidism usually disappears, and body temperature, blood pressure, and pulse rate tend to normalize (34) as the activities of the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems stabilize. Ellie
http://www.home.earthlink.net/~clearpathway/depression.html The same article entitled Self help for addictions is on: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Sauna/2579 The longer version entitled Self help for emotional disorders is on: http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26/depression.html
I just finished reading your article (The toxic mind: confessions of a schizophrenic) I totally agree with your theory, and have experienced some healing psychodrama-therapy at one time in my life. We did anger therapy in group form with two counselors (12 Step based) on Sunday mornings (3-hour sessions). We started each session with guided imagery, followed my improvisational acting, based on the family unit (Bradshaw) in a situational framework - it was a Thanksgiving dinner in a dysfunctional family unit. We worked on this "play" for 12 weeks and presented the drama to the community in a local theatre - it was MEGA-dramatic and extremely therapeutic and informative for the community. After each session, though, we worked on anger with a bataka and ended each session with positive affirmations for each member of the group. I have never found anything like this again (this was 10 years ago) until now, finding your sharing loop. I have been doing some redirective work lately and have been finding that at times I am zapped and at other times I have lots of energy. I am also a member of Food Addicts Anonymous and follow a food plan that has been outlined by Kay Sheppard, who works with food addictions. Her book is entitled Food Addiction, The Body Knows. She is coming out with a new book shortly. In all the years that I have suffered from food addiction, I have never found a more accurate understanding of my problem than in her book. With her food plan, a little of the 12 steps, your support and now reading the Celestine Prophecy, I am healing from a life of disease and lots of "isms". Mary Thanks for sharing your story. We used betakas at Caron, and one person who used the self-therapy in my article used a tennis racket to hit the bed. I went to OA for a while, but now that I am post flood, my food addiction is gone. My weight hasn't changed in over two years...no more cravings for toxic food. I loved the Celetine Prophecy too, and saw in it more of the apocalyptic vision, the end of suffering and the beginning of a new world. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sun Jan 16, 2000 6:13am Subject: Rejection Ellie, I can relate to what Shirley is saying. Yesterday I noticed something, and I remember it happened a few weeks ago, there are two women in our city who shun me, just infuriates me, I have no specific incident to redirect to, actually two weeks ago, I passed one of the women, I won't call ladies, cause they aren't ladies, hear my anger still !!! and she turned her snubby little nose up at me, as our cars approached each other, I blared on my car horn and waved radically, of course she probably didn't see me, but it released alot of anger, then yesterday the other woman was stepping out of her car, saw me coming, looked at me and flippantly turned and walked with her nose in the air. This is wonderful cause it is 'setting me up' to be healed of these rejections, have no specific incidents to redirect to, so what do I do, just picture someone in my mind who did, or release like I did on the horn that day. I honked that horn, blared it and waved violently screaming, You are missing out on my friendship, stupid! And I felt this sort of settled down feeling, not the high of years ago of doing, just a settled feeling and it didn't 'haunt' my mind all day long-you know the reenactment in your mind, abusing yourself over and over all day long, hashing it over and over, replaying it, til the 'blood' runs inside. That's how I relate re enactments of painful events, we are our worst abusers, that's why to me it is so important to get the junk out of our neurons and veins and let the good times roll inside. any suggestions, I didn't release the anger with the incident yesterday. You know that's about the last thing I can think of that really gets me down, I was remembering while dressing this time last year, that girl in the car two weeks ago that I was released from, I used to have a shop behind hers and she drove down the alley to get to her store, I parked in the alley behind my store, every morning it was set up, she would just happen to drive in when I was turning corner to go into store and our eyes would meet and she'd turn that nose up and turn her head so fast, it's a wonder she didn't snap that neck into. This time last year I was so tormented by the hurt of the events, I got to where I would walk looking down at the pavement just in case she drove by, tried not to notice who was even on streets, avoided the excitatory stimuli. Now I want to run flat into it to get healed. Sally Yes, I used to be drawn to and very hurt by people who rejected me, but these incidents were good opportunities for me to redirect anger at my parents who were the ones who really rejected me. Now I have no need to be close to people who are so filled with resentments. Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Sun Jan 16, 2000 6:25am Subject: Post flood 'highs' Ellie, I wondered about the 'high's after post flood. Thanks for reaffirming, cause when I get new merchandise in or make a new project that I know will bless someone I get this high that is indescribable, I don't live by that high tho, I used to tho, I would get depressed if same ole same ole, with no new ideas, then fresh idea would come and complete project and someone wouldn't even look at it, I would be crushed, now it's more an even thing, if I get high about it and someone else doesn't I'm not crushed any longer. I'm not expecting a response to build me up, I'm already built. does that make sense. Sally Yes, that is so beautiful...and isn't it nice. I get a high sending my self-therapy to people, and if it's rejected as some prison officials have done they may get a mild f...u prayer, but then I find somewhere else to send it. And no depression after the high. Funny, I get more of a high sending it out, than when I hear someone 'gets it'... Ellie
From: Elnora Van Winkle Date: Mon Jan 17, 2000 5:00am Subject: The other 5% Ellie, I know I have been post flood for sometime now and that the other 5% or more is still being released, I don't know but I feel it is the one thing I would not let myself deal with possibly, maybe an image of my abuser I didn't want to destroy. Is that possible, since children seem to want to protect that image of their abuser. The realization of they really did reject me, I am beginning to remember some of my childhood like you said being wrapped too tightly, for first time today I remember being in my crib toddler with my arms out crying wanting my mother, she would not come to me and I remember being very ill and laying on the floor and my uncle rubbing my back and I thought he was a miracle worker, because all my achyness went completely away and all the flu symptoms, remembering back I had the flu, all achy and feverish. This week, I had a touch of the flu and had my husband rub my back and I remembered that incident, it was awesome experience, I rarely remembered good times when I was younger. About 2 years ago I would get so angry when I smelled cigarette smoke, I began wondering why, I remembered an incident where my mother was cheating on my father and the man she cheated on him with smoked and blew smoke in my face, at that time, I released that anger to that man and to her, I now rarely notice cigarette smoke and when I do the anger is not there. Amazing and I didn't even know I was redirecting, my body has just known to do this, It's the one thing now of the rejection it has to be gone, I've got to get past it, I feel once I do, it will change my life forever, I believe it is the one thing that has held me back and harmed relationships. It seems like a mountain of an obstacle, but I'm sure it is as simple as the other redirecting. I know you said you didn't have to have a specific incident to relate to - to redirect, but I always feel I have to find the source, like a mailslot finding the right slot to put it in. I am going to reread your article in hopes of finding some something that will help me understand this part. Sally I suspect the other 5% of repressed anger may take the rest of my life to come out. And I still want to 'protect' as you say the image of my aunt as a good mother, which she isn't. I still have moments when I think she is loving toward me in our phone calls, but it slips out in her words that she is 'people pleasing' with me and in fact rejecting who I am. I still have to feel my anger at that. Ellie Yüklə 5,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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